by YOUR HEAD FAG IN CHARGE
For this edition of Queeries and Questions, we took to reddit’s askMen board to find out what straight men really want to know about us. Your Head Fag in Charge straightens them out below.
Poop: how do you handle the poop? I mean, I know people get enemas to clean their bowels before anal, especially porn stars, but there is no way that gay guys could do that every time they wanted to have sex. There inevitably has to be poop involved at some point. That would be a game breaker for me. I just don’t see how you could get poop on your dick and still want to put it in the place that provided the poop.
-unflirtatious, Location Unknown
First off, I’m going to assume you’re not big on anal with girls, because both men and women poop and the same hazards are involved. Yes, enemas help, as does regular douching. There is an invention I want to tell you about. It’s a douche that hooks right up to your shower. Many gay men have these permanently hooked up. Of course it’s impossible to clean your bowels every time you want to have sex, nor is it healthy. Honestly, poop just isn’t that big of an issue. If you’re on the receiving end of anal sex, you may be self-conscious about it, but a guy typically tries to clean up before hand, even if it’s just a quick freshening up in the bathroom. You don’t need an in-depth bowel cleaning to be considerate. If you’re the more active participant, you’re probably more focused on the sensations and rhythm than the possibility of poop.
I won’t lie. Sometimes it can be a turn off. Not so much the sight of poop or having it on your dick, but the smell of it. If you’re already close to getting off, it’s not too difficult to power through it. At that point, nothing matters but your orgasm. There is not a guy on this earth that is going to time out an orgasm to get all girly about hygiene. If you do, sir, you don’t deserve to be having sex. If the smell becomes bothersome before you’re close to finishing, the easiest (and most polite to your sexual partner) way to handle it is to just suggest moving things to the shower. Gender aside, we’re all human. Bodily fluids can be a turn on or turn off depending on what they are and who you ask. Besides, what’s a little poop? You straight guys don’t seem to have any problem risking blood on your dick. Now THAT’S gross!
If 5 gay guys were in a train having anal sex, and the guy in the back got injected with HIV, how long would they have to have sex until the guy in the front finally catches it?
-Monkmonk_, Location Unknown
Until you grow some brains or your mom goes back in time to get an abortion, whichever happens first.
Were you molested as children? Most of the gay guys I’ve actually gotten close to have been, and although it’s a pretty small sample, it makes me think homosexuality isn’t entirely caused by genes or a personal choice.
-claaude, Location Unknown
My issue with the question is that you’re assuming if someone wasn’t born gay, then they were born straight. I’d explain the Kinsey Scale to you, but you can go read about it yourself here.
This is purely speculation, but there are two possible reasons I can think of for it seeming like a lot of gay men were molested earlier in life. The first reason is that straight men are less likely to open up and talk about it. Not saying never, just generally speaking. Many straight men, even if they were innocent victims, are not comfortable admitting they were raped by a man. They see it as somehow demonstrating they were weak or less manly if someone could overpower them and victimize them. I would bet there are a significant number of straight men who have been abused and not come forward. Just think about all the controversy with the church over the past couple decades. Many of those victims waited YEARS before saying anything. Admitting what happened to you is not easy. Even for me. It’s easy for me to let it out when I’m able to hide behind the shroud of anonymity, but the chances of me ever telling someone in person are slim to none.
The second possible reason for this misconception is that gay boys seem like easy targets. Even in 2013, girls are still expected by many to be more pure than boys. Some people believe it’s more acceptable to have sex with an underage boy than an underage girl because they’re horny or “asking for it”. If you’re a sexual predator looking to get off, gay adolescents are easy targets. They’re often already hiding their sexuality and are not likely to report the predator. Their hormones are insane at that age and can lead them to dangerous situations. This is true for straight boys as well, but their hormones tend to lead them toward girls they know. For closeted gay youths, secrecy is often of the utmost importance, so it can lead them to situations they’d never normally put themselves in.
If your gay friends revealed to you that they’d been molested, just be happy that your friends trust you enough to reveal the most vulnerable part of themselves. Many straight men don’t want to appear vulnerable. It doesn’t mean they’re any tougher than gay men or that they are less traumatized. And I’m pretty sure your gay friends would be appalled by the suggestion that they’re only gay because they were molested. Many straight women have been sexually assaulted as well… would you ever ask them if the only reason they’re heterosexual is because they were molested? I didn’t think so.
Queerious? Ask us anything! Email your HD and HF IC at firstname.lastname@example.org. All we ask of you is that if it’s NSFW, let us know in the subject line. We do have day jobs.